Guest Poem: Amadan’s Version of “I’ve Got a Little List”

I asked Amadan if he would be amenable to adding a verse concerning listmaking to his earlier poem. Instead, he came up with a whole new poem, again giving a nod to W.S. Gilbert. Without further delay, here it is.

I’ve Got a Little List

As the scientists and seculars are all satanic tools
I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list
Of the great and good and godly who will keep them out of schools
Where they will not be missed! ‘Cause they’re all atheist!

There’s a plethora of engineers who think cells are machines
And some Bible College lecturers who hope to be has-beens
There’s the eminent professor (in an unrelated field)
And a lady from Canadia whose mind is firmly sealed
A slimy politician who is loudly boo’d and hissed –
He surely won’t be missed! But he’s there on the list!

You can put ’em on the list, you can put ’em on the list
For they’d none of them be missed, hardly one’s a scientist

There’s the First Amendment Expert who has never been in court
I’ve got him on the list! I hope we don’t get Kitz’d!
There’s a fire and brimstone preacher of the theocratic sort –
A true creationist! We’ll say he’s I-D-ist!

We have versions of the Second Law that are completely new
We have lots of publications Ė well, perhaps we have a few
We’ve Design and CSI and complex mumbo-jumbo too
But pathetic things like saying what they mean are up to you
And if you laugh out loud at us, you are a Darwinist
An Evidenciarist, an Evilutionist.

You can just ignore the list, there’s no pandas on the list
And there’s no Steves on the list, there’s no Steves on the list.

Wesley R. Elsberry

Falconer. Interdisciplinary researcher: biology and computer science. Data scientist in real estate and econometrics. Blogger. Speaker. Photographer. Husband. Christian. Activist.

6 thoughts on “Guest Poem: Amadan’s Version of “I’ve Got a Little List”

  • 2007/12/21 at 1:00 pm

    Great stuff!

    I wonder what ever happened to that ID arts initiative they tried to get going. Haven’t heard much about it.

    Anyway, was inspired to add my own contribution, if not as clever as Amadan’s:

    ID Paradise

    (sung to the tune of Amish Paradise by Weird Al)

    As I walk through the valley of the Afarensii
    I take a look a look at my wife, and realize sheís not like this guy.
    And that just perfect for an IDist like me,
    You see I shun fancy things like homology.
    Early the next morning, Iím out mining quotes,
    Mike Beheís dissing grad students and Jon Wells emotes, FOOL
    Iíve been mining and disseminatiní for so long,
    That even Dembski thinks that my sanity is gone.
    Iím a man with a plan, Iím into intelligence,
    Its all around in nature, just ask anyone with sense.
    After I finish my mining, Iíll have a bit of wine,
    ĎCause the conclusion Iím going to get, is that itís all DESIGN!

    I want to spend my life
    Living in an ID paradise
    Where the Darwinists are treated like lice
    Living in an ID paradise
    No Dawkins or Miller or Scott
    Living in an ID paradise
    And PZís mouth is stuffed with a sock
    Living in an ID paradise.

    A Darwinist asked me for some evidence last week,
    A prediction of ID, one testable he did seek.
    I really donít care, didnít need to do it,
    ĎCause ID is inductively sound, no need to prove it!
    I ainít never done an experiment, to solve the schism,
    Cause I donít believe in that old materialism.
    I never make predictions but I got cool animation,
    And my UD buds agree, even if I didnít get the permission.
    If you try to apply our filter, youíll be bored to tears,
    Cause we havenít figured out how to use it lo many years.
    But we ainít Creationists, so please donít stop and stare
    We just use the exact same ideas, so there.

    There’s no God, no Christ, no sacred texts,
    Just a non-material Designer you see.
    OK, many see that as religion,
    But donít mention Dover to me!

    I want to spend my life,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    Irreducible complexity are nice,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    No mutation and natural selection,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    Capable of explaining any data you care to mention,
    Living in an ID paradise.

    Writiní press releases, thou art persecuter,
    Raised a fuss on Gonzalez, soon weíll Expelled anudder!
    You think weíre not righteous? You think we donít have heart?
    Well wereít you there buddy, when we made Darwin fart?
    Iím the guy the little UD commentors want to be like,
    Attacking evos left and right, scoring points for the afterlife.
    So donít despair, and donít be whiney,
    Or else weíll have to unleash Denyse OíLeary on your heinie.

    I want to spend most of my life,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    Publish my books where the peer review is nice,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    Darwinís about to topple any day now, thatís right,
    Living in an ID paradise.
    Weíve said that for 100 years now, but this time itís really in sight.
    Living in an ID paradise.

  • 2007/12/22 at 11:39 am

    Nice job. This is holiday cheer, for sure.

    I wonder if the threatening noises made by the original artist against Weird Al are transitive?

  • 2007/12/22 at 4:13 pm

    I think Weird Al’s version is better than the original, by rappers who’s names I now forget. :) Being parodied by Al is considered a mark of respect. Most artists want him to do it.

  • 2007/12/22 at 4:47 pm

    Coolio, whose rap was heard in the 1995 Michelle Pfeiffer film Dangerous Minds, has given Amish Paradise a chilly reception. Backstage at the Grammy Awards, he reportedly dissed both the video and Weird Al.

    “Yeah, apparently Coolio is hot,” admitted Yankovic, 36. “It’s the result of a major miscommunication.”


  • 2007/12/24 at 12:19 pm

    Well yeah, this particular song wasn’t well appreciated by one of the original artists, but where is Coolio now? Celebrity Paranormal Project, that’s where! That’s what happens when you diss Weird Al. They’ve apparently since kissed and made up, but the damage had been done.

    Merry Christmas to one and all! :)

  • 2008/02/04 at 10:00 am

    Amateurs! The original is Stevie Wonder’s ‘Pastime Paradise’.

    Good job. Gilbert & Sullivan is uniquely suited to intelligent mockery.

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