Guest Poem: Amadan’s “I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist”

2007/12/192007/12/19 Wesley R. Elsberry

Over the the “After the Bar Closes” forum, “Amadan” has a timely update of a favorite bit of nonsense. I’ve added URLs here and there to the original.

In anticipation of a special anniversary tomorrow…

I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist

[Note: Malicious allegations have been made that this work somehow plagiarises something by W.S. Gilbert. Nothing could be further from the truth and I emphatically state that I have nothing to apologise for. And I’m really sorry. Comments on this subject are now closed.]

I am the very model of a c-design-proponentsist
The diametric opposite of all that is materialist
My engineering cert allows me call myself a scientist –
We won’t discuss those classes in Biology I might have missed

I work in a diploma mill I call a university
And there I struggle long and hard to teach the controversity
I welcome all opinions notwithstanding their diversity
I just reject the fact-based ones as atheist perversity

He just rejects the fact-based ones as atheist perversity
He just rejects the fact-based ones as atheist perversity
He just rejects the fact-based ones as goddam pervertersity

My publication record is quite pre-dispen-sensationalist
I regularly top the polls of books that are salvationist
Applause in the reviews keeps copies flying off the bookstore shelf
I couldn’t be more pleased if I had written the reviews myself

He couldn’t be more pleased if he had written the reviews himself
He wishes Amazon would keep his IP numbers to itself

When I go up for tenure I’ll submit my publication list
And if they ask for science then I’ll scream �Discriminationist!�
Religion has no place within the quest for natural knowledge
At least until I am the one who’s put in charge of college

I’m waiting for the day in court when Darwin meets his Waterloo
Though I might find that testifying isn’t what I ought to do
I know that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
It’s just a shame it’s stuck in a six-thousand-year-long peer review

He knows that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
He knows that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
He wishes that the IRS would let him see his research through

I claim that Dover came about because the judge was activist
I dazzle congregations with my jargon that’s distractivist
I never answer awkward questions even if you do insist
I really am the model of a c-design-proponentsist

He never answers awkward questions even if you do insist
He really is the model of a c-design-proponentsist

22 thoughts on “Guest Poem: Amadan’s “I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist””

Joshua Zelinsku
2007/12/19 at 10:55 am

The link to PBA appears to be not functioning and the only copy of their guiding principles I could find- http://www.pba.edu/aboutpba/pbadifference/guiding-principles.cfm only calls the Bible “Divinely inspired”. It may be better to choose a different link for that one, possibly to Liberty University?
ERV
2007/12/19 at 10:57 am

LOVE! Love the added links!
AustringerPost author
2007/12/19 at 11:15 am

Thanks for the new link, Joshua. That still has the relevant wording, “that man was directly created by God;” that Stephen C. Meyer presumably agrees with, being listed on the faculty there.
Joshua Zelinsky
2007/12/19 at 11:24 am

Ah, didn’t notice “directly” the first time I read that part. Now we just need someone to sing it.
Frank J
2007/12/19 at 11:33 am

Any Chance the Talk.Origins Archive will be updated? This is a shoo-in for Post of the Month.
Amadan
2007/12/19 at 11:39 am

Seriously, how can you publish this tripe?

*ahem*

I have to say, the links are far more fun than the lyrics. How did you manage to locate them all so quickly?

Bravo.
AustringerPost author
2007/12/19 at 11:45 am

The TOA was updated just a few days ago with a new response to criticism from Edward Max.

I’ll need to see where the POTM handler got to.
AustringerPost author
2007/12/19 at 11:50 am

Glenn Branch and I used to engage in speed-link-finding competitions with each other. It’s good practice…
Inoculated Mind
2007/12/19 at 12:21 pm

Please tell me what tune to sing it to and I’ll do it tonight!
Inoculated Mind
2007/12/19 at 12:26 pm

Something Christmassy… Or Kitzmassy?
AustringerPost author
2007/12/19 at 12:35 pm

Get your tune here.
Inoculated Mind
2007/12/19 at 1:06 pm

ok, gotcha. Anything higher-quality? The orchestral ones I’m finding all have lyrics. I can probably use the MIDI, but if anyone’s got anything… :)
Christie
2007/12/19 at 1:50 pm

Completely made my day. :) I’d love to hear a metal version of this.
RM
2007/12/19 at 2:47 pm

I like the song but I have problems with the
line “I regularly top the polls of books that are
salvationist”. A salvationist is an adherent to the Salvation Army which as far as I know here in Scandinavia never has been outspokenly creationist.
Rich
2007/12/19 at 4:34 pm

Bravo!
Reed A. Cartwright
2007/12/19 at 4:34 pm

Submit this to the openlab 2007. We are looking for a good poem.
Crudely Wrott
2007/12/19 at 7:31 pm

I really liked the line that ends with “in a six-thousand-year-long peer review”! How true, how true.

By the way, I’ve always enjoyed this opera of Pirates ever since my mother played it, lo, these many years ago.

Right, mate!
amadan
2007/12/20 at 2:52 am

Suggestion: We should add a credit –

“Hyper-lyrics by W. Elsberry”
Inoculated Mind
2007/12/20 at 3:47 am

And sung by Karl J. Mogel:
http://www.inoculatedmind.com/2007/12/20/a-kitzmas-karol/

:)
AustringerPost author
2007/12/20 at 8:54 am

Good job.

Direct link to the MP3.
brightmoon
2007/12/20 at 9:27 am

awwww thats cute i used to play gilbert and sullivan when i was a kid and my son used to go to school singing some of them
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