Guest Poem: Amadan’s “I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist”

Over the the “After the Bar Closes” forum, “Amadan” has a timely update of a favorite bit of nonsense. I’ve added URLs here and there to the original.

In anticipation of a special anniversary tomorrow…

I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist

[Note: Malicious allegations have been made that this work somehow plagiarises something by W.S. Gilbert. Nothing could be further from the truth and I emphatically state that I have nothing to apologise for. And I'm really sorry. Comments on this subject are now closed.]

I am the very model of a c-design-proponentsist
The diametric opposite of all that is materialist
My engineering cert allows me call myself a scientist –
We won’t discuss those classes in Biology I might have missed

I work in a diploma mill I call a university
And there I struggle long and hard to teach the controversity
I welcome all opinions notwithstanding their diversity
I just reject the fact-based ones as atheist perversity

He just rejects the fact-based ones as atheist perversity
He just rejects the fact-based ones as atheist perversity
He just rejects the fact-based ones as goddam pervertersity

My publication record is quite pre-dispen-sensationalist
I regularly top the polls of books that are salvationist
Applause in the reviews keeps copies flying off the bookstore shelf
I couldn’t be more pleased if I had written the reviews myself

He couldn’t be more pleased if he had written the reviews himself
He wishes Amazon would keep his IP numbers to itself

When I go up for tenure I’ll submit my publication list
And if they ask for science then I’ll scream “Discriminationist!”
Religion has no place within the quest for natural knowledge
At least until I am the one who’s put in charge of college

I’m waiting for the day in court when Darwin meets his Waterloo
Though I might find that testifying isn’t what I ought to do
I know that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
It’s just a shame it’s stuck in a six-thousand-year-long peer review

He knows that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
He knows that what’s in Genesis is strictly and completely true
He wishes that the IRS would let him see his research through

I claim that Dover came about because the judge was activist
I dazzle congregations with my jargon that’s distractivist
I never answer awkward questions even if you do insist
I really am the model of a c-design-proponentsist

He never answers awkward questions even if you do insist
He really is the model of a c-design-proponentsist

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22 thoughts on “Guest Poem: Amadan’s “I Am the Very Model of a C-Design-Proponentsist”

  1. Austringer Post author

    Thanks for the new link, Joshua. That still has the relevant wording, “that man was directly created by God;” that Stephen C. Meyer presumably agrees with, being listed on the faculty there.

  2. Joshua Zelinsky

    Ah, didn’t notice “directly” the first time I read that part. Now we just need someone to sing it.

  3. Frank J

    Any Chance the Talk.Origins Archive will be updated? This is a shoo-in for Post of the Month.

  4. Amadan

    Seriously, how can you publish this tripe?

    *ahem*

    I have to say, the links are far more fun than the lyrics. How did you manage to locate them all so quickly?

    Bravo.

  5. Austringer Post author

    The TOA was updated just a few days ago with a new response to criticism from Edward Max.

    I’ll need to see where the POTM handler got to.

  6. Austringer Post author

    Glenn Branch and I used to engage in speed-link-finding competitions with each other. It’s good practice…

  7. Inoculated Mind

    ok, gotcha. Anything higher-quality? The orchestral ones I’m finding all have lyrics. I can probably use the MIDI, but if anyone’s got anything… :)

  8. Christie

    Completely made my day. :) I’d love to hear a metal version of this.

  9. RM

    I like the song but I have problems with the
    line “I regularly top the polls of books that are
    salvationist”. A salvationist is an adherent to the Salvation Army which as far as I know here in Scandinavia never has been outspokenly creationist.

  10. Crudely Wrott

    I really liked the line that ends with “in a six-thousand-year-long peer review”! How true, how true.

    By the way, I’ve always enjoyed this opera of Pirates ever since my mother played it, lo, these many years ago.

    Right, mate!

  11. amadan

    Suggestion: We should add a credit -

    “Hyper-lyrics by W. Elsberry”

  12. brightmoon

    awwww thats cute i used to play gilbert and sullivan when i was a kid and my son used to go to school singing some of them

  13. Pingback: Creationism is all around us. - Page 11

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